An Inmortal's heart
by Seven Alice
Summary: It is frustrating and painful to suffer an horrible death and be reborn the next day just for people to completely forget about him, the poor Inmortal whose heart is always being tortured. But people out there still care about him, though. He's sure they do. Bunny.


Monday is a rainy day.

So Kenny stayed inside letting time pass away. He tried to ignore that today was a school day and he'll most likely have to get up eventually, but in the end things always ended in the same way. If he stays inside, a thunder or a stray bullet would kill him, if he goes out, he'll suffer a unreasonably absurd and unbelievably painful death no one will ever remember about. So, what's the point?

Tuesday is quite the same.

He died yesterday, and the day before that. And all the days of the previous week. Kenny couldn't help but daydream about moments of shame, moments in which he died in horrible ways, funny ways, stupid ways, embarrassing ways. Moments in he could only hear Stan's "Oh my God they killed Kenny!" and Kyle's muffled "You bastards" just before everything faded into black like it always does, then the awful wake up and the vague memory of people laughing or crying or simply being completely uncaring of his dead.

Life goes around and round. So Kenny stumbled and stopped moving on.

There was no point in trying it anymore. He would always die, be completely ignored and be reborn just to repeat the endless cycle of pain and frustration. If there was one word to describe it, it was frustrating. As painful as it was to die, it was frustrating that he was never able to make it out alive. The universe was against him, maybe God hated him, or maybe he just wasn't needed. It made sense, as he tried to help everything always backfired and some unknown force or even his own friends ended killing him like he was completely disposable. It might be true, Kenny was poor and not a lot of people cared about him; Stan and Kyle yelled their usual accusation out of habit, and Cartman couldn't care less. Kenny couldn't bring himself to care anymore, either.

It was too predecible. Too common for him. His head was chopped off? Some sexual illness? Someone shoot at him? He burned spontaneously or exploded? It was bearable. Other person would do about anything to be careful, but Kenny just doesn't give a fuck anymore. If no one cares, why would him?

Or so he though.

When he already knew every possible, terrible, and maybe even pleasurable form of dead, something new and unexplainable emerged to torture his Inmortal heart. A terminal illness, painfully slow and with no painkillers to put at ease the real pain. Because everything had been like a scratch in comparison to this. Not because it was hurting him in many new ways, but because of his friends. In other situations they'll try to care for a few minutes and eventually brush it off, but not now.

Now, they were here.

Sobbing, having break downs and holding his hands, trying to reassure Kenny he would be fine when it was obvious he wouldn't. There was no escape from this, just a long wait until the illness reached its end. For other people to have their loved ones beside him would be blissful, but not for Kenny. It made him nauseous.

He wanted to scream but wasn't able to open his mouth.

He wanted to laugh, to cry, to scream, to yell at his friends in fury and sadness, but he couldn't. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, his sister Karen, Butters, everyone was worried and crying over him. It made Kenny felt guilty, like a total jerk, why the hell he blamed everyone for his countless deads? Why he though they didn't care? They may be stupid, reckless and insensitive, but his friends valore one another even when they're unwilling to show it. Stan and Kyle fought but always made up in the end, and despite Cartman and Kyle constant quarreling they still cared for each other, just like Butters cared about him even when he couldn't remember his multiple deaths like everyone else. That's what means to be part of that childish, stupid and weird group; no matter how may times they screwed things up with one another you'll always be welcomed because that's what friends do. Kenny completely forgot about that. The dullness of every day, the frustration and the pain, they nubled his mind, didn't they? Now is too late. He couldn't help but feel guilty of having blamed everyone, of having made everyone suffer over him until the bitter end. Very, very bitter.

He couldn't even say "Sorry to make you worry"

It was too late now.

The cycle was already repeating itself.

At the next day, he woke up in bed with a terrible headache. Kenny wasn't sure if he could deal with crying anymore, his friends' cries was still ringing in his ears. He needed silence right now, no commotion, no welcome back party, he could go back tomorrow or the next week. Despite having been reborn he was too tired... Worn out even. His mind full of thoughts, but all he wanted was a good, long night of dreams. It's been so long since he had one...

But turning around, he realized he had been left behind.

Once he returned to school, it seemed like nothing changed at all. Except one thing, Kenny had been replaced, left behind by his friends who chose to move on and continue forward without him. The new Kenny being now Butters. Kenny wasn't mad, tough.

In the tiny tiny tiny tiny South Park lives a whiny whiny whiny cowardly Butters.

Always grounded, manhandled and abused by other kids and even his own family. Above every thing, Butters needed a friend. To feel accepted, to feel like he was part of something, he needed support of some kind to keep up. Kenny could understand that, he also needed support to keep going and not send everything to hell just now. There was no alternative for him, after all his heart was Inmortal. Just bear with it. It can't be that difficult, can it?

It would pass twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, sixty years, but his heart won't die no matter how hard he tried.

Today is a lonely day.

Kenny wasn't going to lie, it was pretty lonely to be by himself. His friends would often notice him, but ignore him. It was too difficult for them to accept his dead, painful even, of course they wanted nothing to do with Kenny or his image. They just took Butters as the fourth friend; it was too early to forget when the wounds are still too fresh.

Tomorrow will stay the same.

He couldn't even remember his own name.

He wasn't going to admit it, but he missed Stan and Kyle's "oh my God you killed Kenny" no one calling his name every day was... Weird. Too weird for him. When his sister said his name, he took a few minutes to realize it was him she was calling to. It was embarrassing, but Kenny supposed that's what happens when you get a routine, no matter how much you hate it you miss it when it's gone. Like a Stockholm syndrome. Kenny wondered if Butters felt the same. As much as he liked to watch over the guys, he noticed how much they bullied the boy and how often he got severely hurt. But in the end, he always came back. Like a Stockholm syndrome. He suffered with them but couldn't help it, maybe it was some sort of curse about being the fourth friend? Kenny wondered, and felt somewhat bad about Butters. He hadn't been dying lately, all the pain he might be feeling was now on Butters. However, there was nothing the Inmortal could do. Butters seemed to enjoy being the fourth friend, how could Kenny break his dream now? As much as he was worried, this wasn't the time or the place for him to meddle. And, to be honest, he didn't want the cycle to repeat itself. Everyone needs a break from time to time, and right now Kenny was too lazy to restart.

* * *

Kenny was around no more.

No more.

That's the only thing Butters though. His cries, his pain, the letter he drew for the friend that was always in his lonely heart, nothing else mattered now. Why would it? The one he loved more than his own family was no more. Kind, supportive Kenny, gone and not for good. Everyone was totally broken. What he could do about it? Sit and sob and remember times already gone by. He felt useless, until the guys took him in. They didn't even need him to agree to take him as the new Kenny. Of course he wanted to be part of the group, he wanted to feel accepted like he felt with Kenny and not to replace him but honor him by taking the fourth friend place. But it was pretty difficult, really, for Butters it felt awkward and somewhat wrong to try and be like Kenny when the guys wanted him to, he just wasn't Kenny and couldn't even pretend. So it hurt him when Kyle, Stan or Cartman called him "Not Kenny" or the likes. He was himself, he wasn't Kenny and they weren't able to accept him for who he was. Because of that he was chosen for the most dangerous roles in the guys' adventures, always being bullied and verbally abused by everyone. But he was willing to continue forward; for Kenny and everything he used to be.

He couldn't have gone so far without Kenny's absence.

All the jokes, pranks, the way everyone always took advantage of Butters' trust and used him like a tool that meant absolutely nothing, he took it with no complains for a long time but everyone has their limits. Was that how they treated Kenny? Sure they were never too nice to Butters, but he reached his limit maybe too soon or too late. And, they cared? Not even a bit. They just took a new friend to replace Butters. It was infuriating, more than anything else because he really wanted to fit in the group. It was so unfair... So unfair he wanted them to pay for it. To suffer like him. That's when he created the alter ego of the Professor Chaos. Were his evil plans successful or at least original? No, but he still tried. And as much as he failed, he kept gaining more and more determination to try it again. That's what villains do, after all. Seek for revenge and feel anger and hatred with no boundaries. Was that anger supposed to fade away once he got his vengeance? Maybe, because the anger was blinding him right now.

Though that love of his... It just won't stop.

The wish to make everyone suffers may have defiled him, the constant abuse and the horribly absurd situations in which he generally ended seriously injured may have erased the kindness and innocence from his young heart, but no matter what... The love he felt towards Kenny just won't stop. As much as he tried to fit, he remembered Kenny, as much as he injured himself, he felt like Kenny suffered in worse ways. Butters just couldn't be angry when thinking about Kenny, kind, friendly Kenny who actually treated him like an individual. Kenny was always there for him, hearing him out, hanging out with him like a good friend would do. Butters loved Kenny, he still does, more often than not he thinks how Kenny would feel about things and what he would do. His parka wearing friend is always on his mind, the love he feels turns into sorrow and that sorrow becomes anger he wishes he could release, but in the end the love is still there, making him sad or angry but still there lingering like a ghost. That ghost is surely going to haunt him forever, as long as he keeps it to himself.

It wasn't like every other ghost.

It was almost like a shadow that followed him around. Everyone could notice it if they were willing to pay attention; the shadow grew bigger and darker with every passing day, after all. Despite that, Butters still continued to move forward. He couldn't stop right now; he was so close to get his revenge...! Or so he though. Kenny, who still watched from afar, disagreed. Unlike anyone else, Kenny silently listened and payed attention to all his friends, he knew when Butters' plans were going to end totally screwed, whenever the guys joined into an absurd adventure, he still watched despite not being noticed. And the Inmortal couldn't help but wonder how tormented Butters really was; he knew the professor Chaos wanted to make his friends suffer and at some extent he kind of agreed with the villain; Stan, Kyle and Cartman could sometimes be jerks, but whatever was tormenting Butters goes deeper than hatred. It was real pain; sorrow and sadness. But why? He had been so happy... Even with the injuries, with the curse of being the fourth friend... Or maybe not. Maybe that's just what Kenny thought. Maybe he was suffering from the start but no one cared enough to worry or to notice how this was tearing apart the smaller blonde. It definitely was too much to bear, but Butters already knew how to grin and bear with it. Kenny did the same, too. When he was tired of coming back to life he continued and continued with a tired, tormented smile. But this was his task to take on, not Butters'. Not anyone else's.

There's nobody body body body to support Kenny's heavy heavy heavy but empty immortality.

An Inmortal may suffer what others can't. That may be the reason of his existence. Or maybe he just existed because of that damned cult of Cthullu, but to be honest Kenny preferred to ignore that and live pretending it has nothing to do with him.

But Kenny was not lazy anymore.

He was ready to start the endless cycle again. The break lasted long enough for him, he was already getting bored of just watching his friends while his life was mundane and uneventful. So, the next school day, Kenny decided to approach his friends directly. But first, he wanted to have a little chat with Butters.

The smaller blond was murmuring a song when the Inmortal found him, rubbing his knuckles as he arrived the school that morning. Probably lost in though, Kenny guessed as he tapped Butters' shoulder to get his attention. As expected, he snapped out of it and looked around just to be surprised by Kenny's presence. It's been a long time, hasn't it? But he only waved at the boy and smiled under his parka like nothing changed at all. Like good, old Kenny would always do.

"Hi Leo"

For a moment there was no response or reaction, Leopold Stotch just stared with his mouth slightly open; Probably not knowing what to say. Kenny himself didn't know what to say; he was just trying to act natural. A few minutes later, the immortal was glad to see a bright smile in the small boy's face. It was practically yelling at him "Welcome back!" and made him feel warm and fuzzy inside, not because of his parka but because that gesture told him everything he needed to know. Someone missed him. Someone is glad to see him back.

"Hi Kenny!"

 _It feels so good to be part of your life again._

To be accepted and welcomed once again, to be part of his friends' life, it made Kenny's Inmortal heart feel complete.  
like it found its place again and didn't want to let go.

Before Kenny knew it, Butters was hugging him and burying his face in the orange and fluffy parka. He couldn't help but wrap his arms around the smaller boy, his smile growing. Of course this is his place and Kenny wasn't about to let go of the other.

After a moment they broke their hug just for Butters to watch Kenny with an odd, confused expression. His head tilted to one side.

"There's something different about you"  
He hummed for a few seconds, struggling to figure out what it was. Then, to the Inmortal's surprise he let out a loud "Oooh"  
"You have a new haircut, don't you?"

 _Oh darling, can't you see? I've grown so much more_.

It has nothing to do with the hair style. Kenny is way taller now, Butters has always been small but now Kenny can actually say he's a tall guy like the others. Every time he died, he had no time to grow inch by inch like a normal person since he always came back to life as how he was in the morning, however, after he lasted a whole season without dying, his growth spurt came to him with full force. And of course Kenny was pretty proud that it made a noticeable difference. He ruffled Butters' soft blonde spiky hair, causing the small boy to giggle a bit with a soft pink coloring his cheeks in embarrassment. Kenny enjoyed doing that, specially because he was the only one capable of igniting that reaction in Leo.

"Yes Leo, I got a new haircut for the ladies"

The bright smile he got as a response made his day. They started walking as Butters started to recount what the guys were up during this week. Oh, those guys... Kenny would be lying if he said he didn't miss their weird adventures. They were also a part of him, no matter how much he tried to live without them.

Stan, Kyle and Cartman seemed startled to see him, but as he explained that he had been out there all along, it seemed to be enough of a explanation for them. He went back to being the fourth friend like nothing happened, maybe because they were pretty ignorant and shrugged his death off, but Kenny knew better. He knew how much they suffered when he was in the hospital bed, how much they missed him and were glad to have him back despite not showing it as openly as Butters.

Maybe maybe maybe they have forgiven Kenny.

When Kenneth McCormick died of a terminal illness, he though he would never forgive himself for worrying everyone. He wished for a change in the endless cycle of deads that was his life, and things did change. He was usually the one to suffer countless deaths, but now his best friends, his Butters and his little sister all suffered from it as well. How could he forgive himself after that? But since his loved ones forgave him and forgot about the whole deal, he could as easily forgive himself but never forget about all what happened.

In the end, his life changed because of it. Of course he was still Inmortal and died every now and then, but not every day like before. He remembered how much he loved spending time with his friends, doing absurd things and stunts, "defying the logic" in Kyle's words and watching the redhead's endless arguments with Cartman as well as Stan breaking up and going back with Wendy, and supporting Butters every time he needs it because that's what best friends do. Dying in a regular basis is completely worth his life, Kenny decided.

But darlings darlings darlings you have to make sure to stab Kenny, pierce him, hurt him, kill him thoroughly.

That's bearable. He can totally take it, it may hurt a whole lot but Kenny is used to it anyways. It can't bring him down, he'll always stand up again and move forward.

His heart is Inmortal, after all. It won't die no matter how hard he tries.


End file.
